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Revenge Fantasies
by Sarah Kremen-Hicks
Sarah says: OMG. Evil co-worker strikes again. You wouldn’t believe what she did today. I asked her a month ago to check the January figures, because they weren’t adding up properly; and I couldn’t finish my report until they did. This is her fucking job…And today she sends me an e-mail message, and CCs my boss, saying "I don’t see anything wrong with them. Where are you looking?" I look and see that she’s fixed them.
April says: You’re kidding! Bitch.
Sarah says: Grrr...So now it looks like I’ve been sitting around for a month with my thumb up my ass…
April says: Lock her in a closet with a tribe of cranky badgers. Or key her car.
Sarah says: Hehe :)
April says: No, seriously, just explain to your boss that she changed the numbers before she sent the email.
Sarah says: Can’t. She’s the golden child. Anyway, it’s so ridiculous, no one would believe me. I mean, who does that sort of thing?
Sarah says: Just needed to vent, I guess. :( Thanks for listening.
April says: Anything for you. ;) Don’t worry about it. Get some sleep.
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I need to go to sleep. I can’t sleep. I can’t believe she did that! Who does that? Who thinks like that? Devious little bitch. Will this end up on my performance review? Do people like that actually get their comeuppance, or is that only in the movies?
I need to sleep. What time is it? I’m not going to check. If I open my eyes, I’ll only get more awake. I’m already awake; can you be more awake? Maybe it’s an on/off kind of thing. I hope someone does key her car. I hope she gets fired. I hope her house burns down! Okay, actually I don’t hope that. Or the getting fired thing, really. Damn morals. Hey, any higher powers that are listening, I didn’t mean that...
Need to sleep. I wonder what time it is, though.
It’s 1:15. Six hours until the alarm goes off. Gotta get to sleep. I hope she never gets a decent haircut ever again. I hope everything in her refrigerator molds all of a sudden. I hope she gets amoebic dysentery. Hehehe...
Okay, I don’t mean that one either. But it’s fun to say. Amoebic dysentery, amoebic dysentery, amoebic dysentery.
Dammit, this isn’t working. I can’t believe this. On top of everything else, now she’s keeping me awake. If I were queen of the universe, she’d pay for this.
Just not in any way that would make me feel too guilty. This is ridiculous. I’m getting up.
From: Sarah Kremen-Hicks
To: April Bailey
Date: September 19, 2003; 2:39 AM
Re: Revenge Fantasies
Can’t sleep. But have discovered a way to maintain the moral high ground while still wallowing in the mud. Or something. Too late for decent metaphors.
I hope:
All of her favorite clothes shrink in the dryer.
The neighborhood kids egg her car and TP her house for Halloween.
Her toilet gets hopelessly clogged.
Her mattress develops an overwhelming odor of rotting shrimp.
All of her credit card bills get lost in the mail and she gets horrible late fees.
She gets a big, ugly, itchy rash.
Her feet get all messed up from those stupid pointy shoes.
She gets really bad insomnia.
Her skin gets all dry and flaky.
She gets hiccups at least once a day.
Her house gets infested with flies.
She can never find a matched set of socks in the morning.
Her computer constantly freezes up for no reason at all.
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Now I can sleep.
Sarah Kremen-Hicks is actually a very nice person who uses her powers for good. Her occasionally-updated blog can be found at http://www.clodia.org. She has very big hair and a ferret named Dionysis. The two are probably not related. |
