Peer Support as Necessary as Education

by Sonali T. Sikchi

It was a chilly winter morning in Milwaukee with temperatures well below freezing. The first day of college! My Indian blood, still accustomed to the 70-degree weather I had left behind a week ago in Mumbai, was curdling from the impossibly low temperature. And yet, as I walked into the third semester calculus class, I was lightly sweating. I didn’t know anything about the education system in this country. How would I fare?

The only available seat in the front row was next to a tall, blonde woman, who was already working on problems from the end of chapter one. Good grief! Was homework due already for the first class? Had I somehow missed that information at the international student orientation?

The woman looked up and smiled at me as I dropped my backpack next to the chair and struggled out of the unfamiliar, heavy winter coat. She looked friendly enough. I smiled back.

From that day onwards, Elizabeth and I sat next to each other and chatted before and after class about schoolwork, my first experiences as a foreign student, the university, the different school systems, and her internships. She taught me the ropes at Mellencamp Hall when I had to deal with the university’s administration system. At Mitchell Hall she helped negotiate and untangle a misunderstanding with the international office. She explained how to find an on-campus job and how to approach the professor with my questions. Over those weeks and months, she helped me to build my confidence. She was the leader in our two-some and I relied on her judgment.

As the semesters rolled on, our friendship, much like any other relationship, became a dynamically evolving process. One semester I noticed that our roles had changed. I became the mentor, as we took some classes that were difficult for Elizabeth. However, the next semester it reversed again, when she started working part-time and her work experience gave her a practical edge over me.

Looking back on it now, I realize that her support was multi-faceted—vital to my early survival at school and highly beneficial throughout my undergraduate days. She taught me many things that career guidance counselors and other university personnel could never have provided. She helped me identify my core areas of interest and compared those with the types of jobs that were available in the recession of the early 1990s. We concluded that graduate school would be the right choice for me instead of a job. She shared her experiences from her various engineering jobs and delved deep into the strategies required for advancement in the industry. Such advice included how to seize and make the most of available opportunities, determining reasonable salary expectations, and essential management skills essential for forging ahead in my future career. By sponsoring my candidacy for vice-president of the Society of Women Engineers, she created an opportunity for me to hone my presentation skills at meetings and conferences, as well as providing a rich venue for networking.

Being in a steady live-in relationship, had impressed upon her the need for a balance between her career and her family. As a single student, my concern was centered purely on my grades and getting into the best graduate school. She stressed the importance of leaning how to achieve a balance between friendships and family on one hand and school and career on the other.

And through it all, Elizabeth was first and foremost my friend, my peer, my equal. She was the first one with whom I shared the news of my graduate school admission. I was the first one she entrusted with her wedding date.

On the day I left Milwaukee for good, I thanked her for taking me under her wing and she confided something astonishing to me—I had helped her as much as she had helped me. Our friendship had been immensely beneficial to her in learning good study habits and she had felt proud as she watched me change from a timid, cautious student into a confident, successful person ready to go off to graduate school and a career.

Since those days in Milwaukee, life has taken us both in such different directions. However, I will never forget that first chilly day of school and the warmth of Elizabeth’s welcoming smile.

Sonali T. Sikchi is an ex-Microsoft engineer at the beginning stages of her second career as a freelance writer, editor, and proofreader.