Chew on This!

High on the Mountain of Fat

It's been quite a climb. It feels like forever that I've been battling my weight— trying to surmount the insurmountable mountain. For years I just denied its existence even as it altered my inner landscape as thoroughly as Mount Rainier transforms the Seattle skyline. But slowly I began to climb, determined to see what lay on the other side—the other side of fat. Who would I be once I got there?

It's starting to feel like I may never find out. Because, lucky me, I've hit a plateau. For the last month I've been stuck at the same weight and falling back into bad habits. I know why I'm stuck on this plateau. I'm not exercising enough—which is to say, at all. My motivation is a vaguely remembered dream. Was I really ever excited to go to the gym? Did it really seem like fun? I think it did though I can hardly believe it. And I certainly can't muster up the energy to go back and find out.

But really, I'm here in this unchanging, frustrating rut because I pulled a trigger. A trigger can be a specific food or group of foods. It can be an event. It can be an emotional response. It can be a person. A trigger is something that releases something and sets something else in motion. In regard to dieting, triggers are generally not well-loved.

I've been thinking a lot about trigger foods lately. Mainly because ever since my roommate and I got into a terrible fight last month, all I've wanted to do was eat. I ended up baking (and needless to say, eating) a blueberry peach cobbler to assuage my anger that night. I've been riddled with junk food ever since.

Oh, my roomie and I patched things up—we always do. But the trigger has been pulled, the horse is out of the gate and it's mighty hard reigning my appetite and will power back in. It's so easy to think, "Well I ruined today by eating this Boston Creme Donut—I might as well ruin the rest of the week and enjoy myself." It's a break from the responsibility of eating healthy but I only end up hurting myself and feeling guilty.

Everybody has different trigger foods; for me it's chocolate and pretty much anything from a bakery's Ready-To-Go Indulgence case -- cakes, cookies, pies, donuts and the like. I was raised on the snack cake after all, and it has been really hard to let go.

When I began this descent into healthy eating, I knew a lot of things had to go. I said goodbye to fast food and so long to potato chips. I gave my beloved snack cakes a fond farewell and bid adieu to French fries and most other fried foods. I even sent soda packing and that was really really hard at first, but still, I did it. And while I didn't banish the entire bakery case, I let them know we'd be seeing much much less of one another. They seemed to understand, though cookies were rather skeptical I could pull it off.

But I did, and really, no one was as shocked as I was. You mean I can go several days in a row without eating something chocolate? Who knew? I was stunned. And then I began losing weight, which is a great source of motivation. I kept it up for about 6 months. I was feeling good about myself and slightly superior to my junk food-enslaved friends. Which is exactly when I should have known that I was headed for a fall. Generally, the minute I get cocky is the exact minute life decides to slap me down and teach me a lesson.

Solutions, Solutions Everywhere, but I'm Still Not Getting Off This Couch

So I know what my triggers are, and I'm aware that I'm an emotional eater. I know that only I can be responsible for me and that it's up to me to make the smart choice. I even know that I'll be calling this plateau home until I get my lazy butt up off the couch and get it back in motion. But this is not the first time in my life that I've been confronted with a problem, been aware of the solution and remained paralyzed anyway.

I've tried daring myself, cajoling myself, berating myself and even bribing myself. So far I've had no success with any of these methods. I guess I'm inured to disappointing myself. I know I'd do better if someone else were expecting something from me. Maybe you can help! I'd love to hear what you do to control your triggers and push past your plateaus.

E-mail your ideas to diz_andover@altavista.com and I swear I'll give them a shot and tell you all about my experience in my next installment of Chew On This.